5 March 2010

Don't read this. It isn't meant to be read :D

This is probably one conversation that will never happen for a number of reasons. Many reasons including fear, indecisiveness, fickle-mindedness, the eternal last drop of hope that never really evaporates and a thought that will never become a story.

It abysmally stops short of the pen hitting the paper.. and what's left are the respective hand and sore fingers that have been hovering painfully for a long, long time. A very long time indeed.

These kind of sticky situations don't seem humane AND human enough. It's either I should be living in some other planet or I've been transported here for some reason or the other. Some remaining last specimen of a very rare species.

Too much introspection and too less action. Thinking of acting on my far fetched plan of the so-called changing the world and the very many closely related things on my to-do list, you won't find this one even there. It's NOT there.

It'll never be done.

Is it just something like the stuff that's never really supposed to happen and words that should be left unsaid? I really don't know. I have no idea. Maybe it's more of the kind of redundant hope that I won't tire of, and run short of.

Wow, I can't wait for dinner more than 5 minutes when I need it right THEN but I can wait a lifetime for something that could possibly make me happy instead of me going right out front and ASKING it to make me happy.

I know there are some things you have to ask for. And demand. And insist upon. But love's certainly NOT one of those.

Love sought is good, but given unsought is better. - Shakespeare

And when you've done it once.. specially a person like me. You end up quizzing yourself for life if and what would've happened if you didn't force and initiate it.

Maybe the feeling needs more cementing and thinking about. It's just SO conflicting. Or maybe it's waiting for just the right moment to strike. And the right circumstances. Sometimes it's not all about right here right now.

And it's about imaginary conversations with a real person. Is this against the law or something? I wish it was, anyway. Imaginary conversations. And wishful scenarios. Thought up laughs and funny lines. It oh so heavenly but it ain't real. And that's what matters eventually.

It's pathological. Positively.

And if you happen to have a single or even multiple chances of having the same conversations, would you be disappointed? Surprised? In a good way or a bad way? This is very mental stalker-ish. Well, the person doesn't really get to know this. I guess unless they read this post. Which is not entirely unlikely.

But I think it's just better if you let it be. As the Beatles put it. And it's never too bad considering a second opinion. But then enters the question that doing something about it could be life changing and phenomenal. Movie-like twists, you know. Who doesn't like and actually want them?

I'm a drama addict anyway. I can do with some more. The conversation I intended to post here is well, still bubbling away in my brain. Fragments of a LOT many conversations down in the depths. A huge cauldron full of mixed emotions and thoughts. With dreamy smiles and dreamy eyes. And thinking about if I'm giving away more than I should be, writing this post here.

Does it happen that you feel a certain connection. Or maybe it's all in the mind. But then everything is in the mind. Physical ropes don't bind people together. How DO you prove that there's chemistry without even talking to someone? Or maybe just barely?

This is going to mess me up. Or maybe already has. I like to be messed up though. I should do something about it.

Or maybe not :D

What am I?

Building castles in the air is better than being homeless on the ground.