Blah Blah.

I wonder if how we feel right in the morning is how we truly feel deep inside all the time. Or is that just our reaction to our sub-conscious thoughts that welled up in the dreams. But after I'm fully awake and then "count my blessings" instead of thinking of what I don't have that I start getting normal. But till then I think that empty, sinking feeling of that something missing is the strongest. Right after I wake up and right before I go to sleep.

I don't want it to go away.. experiencing it is a delight in itself. Ironic but, it is.

Then I think of things I have to do and have to see.

Positive people must have a huge capacity to control their feelings and an immensely strong will power if they can do it. Poor positive people.

I think it's better to be true to you feelings than suppress it and bottle it up. And forget about it. They have to be considered one day or the other. Now or later.

I really goof up too much. And I make mistakes. And I mess things up. More for myself than anyone else. Considering I'm left to sort it out. Which is cruel. But it's correct. So let's see..

But I can't understand certain people either. Selfish, selfish people. They can't be both, true and not true to their emotions, simultaneously too. Is it so hard taking a single viewpoint in personal relationships and sticking to it. Is that mature. Or the opposite. I am immature and I stick with my feelings. I don't think that's childish. If loyalty and perseverance is a childish trait. It gets translated to stubbornness. Well, all right.

Saying that one's life is in one's own hands is not completely correct. Some choices are made by others. Free will is a b*tch. Excuse my French. Yeah but then no one can change mine either. So it's fine I guess.

I thought it sounded true that you can't just stop loving someone. When you love a person it is for ever. Love is not a weak feeling. Like feeling like having ice cream after dinner. Nah, I'm way too full right now, I'll have ice cream tomorrow instead.

Relationships are not part-time jobs. Oh wait, I even wrote a cheesy poem on it. Sounds like a drunken pop song. But here it is : (It is no award-winning piece, neither it may even make much sense, But I'll RISK it. This is SO much fun :P)

No electricity
MP3 player gave up on me
Whiling away my time
Writing sh**ty poetry

I want someone
Take me for a 24/7 dream
Not a part time job
To take on
When you need extra green

I'm no lunch break
A break from the job
I wanna be the vacation
That never ends at all

Full time, front line
Paparazzi and the limelight
You can be it all
Just give me a sign

I don't wanna be the
Washed up one hit wonder
A Diva is forever
Which really makes me wonder

Was I a break from life
Just a shoulder when you cried
But your life itself
Is what I want to be

I'm not ashamed to ask
And neither should I be.

This was added later, so not to mess up the flow :

Your life itself
Is what I want to be

You said I was
But things change too soon
You ordered a side-dish
But they didn't have any left

You're stuck
With a five-course dinner
But you're on a diet
Which is really sad

So you go on to buy it
You take a teeny bite
"Man, the food's really fine
But well, I can't sit to dine

I have a lot of work to do"

You rise and without a look,
Go away into the night
The food will be flinged
Right into the dustbin

You'll be at your table, writing
Man, it really, really stings.