Calling The Conundrums

One can just get tired of living their lives, not entirely wishing that they had someone else's but just that their's isn't worth living anyway. People get tired of circumstances they've got themselves into or maybe.. the circumstances have just woven around them themselves. Not ready to budge, not ready to move out of the way.

Life is just a dream, however you try to believe not to.. it's just certain that even a small noise can wake you up. It's not seeing the reality, it's losing yourself. In a bad, bad, mean way. Lose your dream, lose yourself. Lose your life.

Love your life. Love your dream. Love yourself. Learn to love, love to love :)

That's all there is to it. But again, it's not as simple as it seems to be when you've got a whole lot of noises trying to break into you. Trying to break you to pieces while you shut them out, shut your eyes tighty.. keep them away. Keep them away. Please.. keep them away.

Unexpected happiness is all you can wish for, when the dream turns to reality. The worst part is.. no-one can just wish for happiness. Wishful thinking. It comes by itself. As it has to. Someone has to bring it in. Usher it in while there's still time.. still time..

Those who choose not not go by their own views of life.. wonder how they live. Mind's frequencies.. intutions? Anything at all? Head first into what ain't right. Turn themselves into robots.. slaves to the system of the rights and wrongs.

The make-believe world ain't bad if it got you survivin' till the last :)
It's not make-believe though. It's the light of life. What does it take someone to bow down to everyone else.. accepting everything without a question? Nothing. As easy as that. Unquestionable rules, ways to know if someone's as good as you. As good as it gets. As good as the worst.

A Noise comes along.. the welcome it as just a "hard" part.. the rough path. A passing phase, oblivious to the fact that maybe it's not what they think it is. Maybe it's a way of life showing them what they actually are inside. Giving them a call to understand what they are. They are their own problems. But there aren't any problems at all.. we make them up. It's just you trying to be You. Someone you really are. Not just someone everyone else has turned you into. That's sad.

As soon as the moment we're born.. we're critisized for everything we do. Anything under the shining sun. Gets very, very critical when you've already grown up. They tell you to behave like kids, they tell you to grow up. They tell you to do what they want. They tell you to follow your heart. Make up your mind, please. We aren't puppets.

Going by my way.. looking at life through thin air. By my naked eye. Face to face.
It says.. "You're on your way.. on your way. But just a sec, turn right for Life and left for The End."

Undreamed Reality

I don't know what you mean. But I know I don't live my illusions. If I did, I wouldn't have gone miserable looking at the reality.. I wouldn't have tried not losing hope if I didn't know what actually happens. All my writing's gone to you..

And you don't care. Why do I even care to do things.. I don't do it for myself. Not just my writing, everything revolves around you. Everything. I can't get the act straight. If it was not so.. what am I doing writing again? Feeble attemp at making you understand which should not go vain. Whatever happens :(

I never tried writing, it just came, but now I do. Thoughts got too complicated to be written in simple sentences. I can't send brain waves around to get to let you know what the "truth" is actually.

Only if I think.. I had someone like me. Is it supposed to go all berserk after your deams come true.. or can you just undo the move? What do I have to do to make you see?

The only truth is see now is-- this has to be a long story. A biiig story.. 700 pages. Hehe. One long happy story. Don't go away. So I just stop thinking that nothing can be hoped for. I never knew my talk was so inconvincing. But if it is, my fault.


Sorry. I'm not perfect :(

Smells Like The Spirit

I'm losing it.. losing it all. Very soon, I won't have anything left. Bereft. Alone. Like I was, like I'm supposed to be. Don't bother anyone.. live happily. I've received the blame, I've heard it all. I've loved and lost, and then lost.. and loved. I say, live our illusions and love them too.

But I hope life isn't one. One BIG illusion where everyone's just tryin'.. tryin' and tryin' to be someone they aren't. I was always myself, but then, they say, Change is Good. And yes, I believed THEM. I believed them. That's not me!!

It's a feeling you get when you open your eyes in the morning and then you just have yourself. And someone in the back of your mind shouts.. "Go Girl! You've finally stopped loving yourself.. that was bound to happen once you forgot who you are." And then tears don't stop.

Tears won't stop, not until life would. I would. I'll stop. You'll see.

Day by day, night by night.. second by second. I see myself going away into the distant darkness which is not mine. My darkness has been replaced by Light. And I know change isn't needed when you love yourself.

It's like you get this brand me picture.. you love it. Then someone comes and changes a bit of it, here and there. Adding their personal touches. Then the edges start fading. Nothing stops it. But you aren't supposed to stop loving the picture. But then, I don't feel it's mine anymore. But I heard it right.. it said.. "You've stopped loving yourself.. where has your love gone?".. and I said "I don't know."

"You live for others now. Why?"

"I don't know."

"Don't cry, kid. Things would be the same again."

"But I guess I don't want them to be."

"See.. you've lost it. Never be the same again?"

"I know.. lost myself. I don't know."

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

Prisoners Of Our Own Device

All hail.. Don Henley, Glenn Frey and Don Felder. Yay!!
Thanks for giving us such a great song to listen to.. and actually make out the meaning. Absolutely brilliant. A songwriter's dream.. easy on the ears.. but hard on the mind. I bet when a person listens to it, he has another perception of the song, which in unlike me.

All differs on how much a person reads.. each book, each page, each paragraph is a learning experience. And that too, people won't understand until they get into the skin of the character. Absolutely. As my Mum rightly said.. you need nothing to become an Editor of a magazine.. a journal, anything. Just that you know our stuff. You know what actually is worth reading for your lot.

Being an author.. is the easiest thing in the world. I swear, and I know I'm going to become one. Shutup whoever, Commerce can go eat dust. I don't care. What's it to them, anyway?

Prisoners of our own device.. not apt.
It should've been.. Masters of our own device.

I love this.

Hate Is What Makes The World Go Round

Some people hate to hate, but I'm not one of those. And some hate to love, I'm not one of those either. I'm nothing. As if I didn't already know that, I know it now.

Remember how it hurts when someone takes away your candy? Yes, candy. Or maybe.. when you aren't allowed to do something you'd die for? A ride you saw in the fair? Moving ahead.. you think you've got everything just to realize that it wasn't real. An illusion? Or maybe it's just your schizophrenic mind that's playing games.

How can anyone not understand the importance of time? The time that's so important when you've just simply got to study for your exams? Oh yes, you poor poor thing. My sympathies.. but why can't you just friggin'.. EFFING understand when it's being with someone you dearly love? Forgotten. That ain't gettin' you anything other than headache.

All of it when everything was perfect? Absolutely perfect.. exactly like how you feel when you walk in the rain and you aren't crying. You're happy. And yes, you're happy 'cause you know your life's worth living for after all. But no.. soon. very soon you have to find out that it was just an illusion. It actually is nothing. Just another one of those days when.. your mind plays games. It's bored.. just wants to make fun of you when you think you're the luckiest person in the whole world.

I thought I won't, but I have. I have typed it all out just to see how much I can hate. Hate myself for loving everything. And love myself for hating everything.

Titled Escribitionist

It's hard shifting from the "dark" side of you to the happy one.. but sometimes you just have to reflect upon what you aren't supposed to be. But only if you think so.. only if you think. And what about somethings you never thought about? And then they happen.. leaving you bereft of any feelings?

All's in the mind. Uh.. teenage angst? Whatever. Anyway, so this book look just like the perfect book to read in the summers, or maybe when you're on holiday. Just sometime when you could get lost in the book with no-one to wake you up. But wait, that's why books exist. Lose yourself.

Can You Hear The Nightbird Call? Three Indian stories mixed into one.. all related to the Partition. I haven't even read halfway through it and feels like I'm living in Vancouver already :p Glad to be kept away from the mundane reality in '07 Bhopal. In a shitty school with shitty teachers. Rest is okay, with some stuff being totally mindblowing. Hehe :)

If it wasn't for the "shit" mentioned above.. mine would have been the perfect life. Absolutely. I swear. Feels good to be back writing, and not writing stupid poems on dying. Excuse that, please. And I really don't mean it. But sometimes I just do.

The reason? I just do. "Everyone's out to kill me. I swear." Hehe.. quoted from my older post written on April 20th. One of my best posts, I guess. Do read it. This is what life is, you love it and you don't. But sometimes.. when you feel down.. you just need a hug!! Right now! :)

Questionable Questions?

Shouldn't expect too much, or shouldn't expect anything at all. Expectations expectations expectations. Bleh. And then end up blaming yourself for no reason at all and then.. forget it? Forget it. I don't expect myself to go on.. this time.

People change, they change opinions all the time. Their views change. It just happens that sometimes, you understand what people say. You relate. And you think "If I'd heard this last week, I'd have called that meaningless". Absolutely. Events and people may sometimes be 'nothing' or maybe.. exactly something you needed. It's enough for you too see that you were right. You weren't alone. There are other been-there-done-thats.

It isn't their fault that people don't know what some people've been up to. They wouldn't even have cared if that person had no real value in their lives. Everyday happenings, but yes, no-one knows. Not their fault.

Can I Have Some Peace?

Can I have some peace?
I don't want to die
But I know what it is
You want it to happen alright

You see 'em die everyday
And you say "cowards"
But what are you?
Bowing down to the system anyway

Can I have some peace?
When you really care,
Can you shut up please?
I can't really go anywhere

My country, this is
I was born, they made me think
I have to make them proud
Even if I have to kill myself within

So, that's why you see
Education's so important
It really helped me
I didn't know this would really happen

I always say "Never Again"
I made a mistake
But they drag me unto it
Till I have no space

I don't know how you do that
But whatever it is
Can't you just go on and brag?
I won't mind a bit

They say,
I'm stupid, I'm mindless
But they'll see
All their values are senseless
And I guess that's sweet

What can I do
To make me free?
You did it all again
You failed to see

It's not about what I can do
It's about what you have done
I don't lock the door for nothing
It's just so that reality doesn't creep in

You say you love me?
I don't give a shit
Monkey-see, monkey-do
That's all there is to it

Can I have some peace?
I'm already dead
But they don't know
They won't until they stop banging the door

They'd say "She was a nice girl, but she didn't listen to us"
"She was good, but she failed"
"She was my daughter, but she betrayed"

She could've done what we told her
We've always loved her so
What can we do?
She had her own way

But I wake up yet again
To the same nightmare reality
When all I see is hate
But you say I'm just vain

You can wrong me,
I'm wrong again
You can tell me to live
But I'd be gone again

Had enough of it
No More
I thought I knew what I had to do
But I ignored

You know you're right
Whatever you say, is the best for me
But that's just ridiculous
You failed to see

Why don't you do what you're told?
You're old enough
But why don't you shut up?
You've said enough

Can I have some peace?
I don't want to die
But I know what it is
You want it to happen alright.