I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
Helpless.. :(
It gets too confusing when I've been bursting to say something for hours.. to utter one word of regret, of hopelessness, of misery and all I can do finally is.. to be happy.
?????
What is it supposed to mean?
Vain? Careless? Inconsiderate? Maybe.
But what is it then.. thoughtlessness.. gosh, you're so thoughtless.
Is it not really right to make someone your "everything"? When they're gone.. you have nothing. When they're with you and not with you. Incomplete. Everything seems unrequited. What exactly is it all supposed to mean?
Far too serious to be called a joke and far too funny to be called serious.
Never thought I'd feel lonely, being the luckiest person in the world.
Have I been thoughtless or is what I see thoughtlessness? No-one to blame but just everyone to hate.
6 December 2007
13 November 2007
Journeys end in lovers meeting..
"I have no other but a woman's reason:
I think him so, because I think him so."
The Two Gentlemen of Verona (I, ii, 23-24)
Nothing ends well. Ever. Is it a sin to love someone? All I ever wanted to do was love.. I've cried in happiness.. cried in pain. But I did not expect I'd have to cry in sadness.. how much can a person cry?
Corrected? Wronged? Blamed? Does anyone even want me to live? Leave alone needing me.
I've seen people.. believing I'm with them, when all I want to do is stay away. But what about people who want to stay away not believing that I love them? Unjust.
LOVED AND LOST..
There lived a girl
Who lived a happy life
Turned her head towards the sky
She felt she was alive
Life went on..
With strifes and happiness
No-one could see what she was inside
Except a few, who knew she was always right
There came a curve
Happiness drifted away
The girl still went strong
Her tears washed away
People still knew she was right
They said she had the might
She believed them
Looking away from the wreckage
Life went on..
Till one day
Out of the blue
Her dream came true
She was a person who hardly knew
Life could be as good as new
How coud she know
That of all the people in the world
Her love would be the one
To think she does not love him so
Days went on..
Months too
But he never did believe her
She thought he knew
But he never did
And he never will
The girl cried
For days and nights long
How could she make him see?
All she ever did was love
To breathe, to be
He was her everything
Promises they made
Words they shared
Disappeared into thin air
When he didn't care
He'd reminded her of happiness
Of the better things in life
Of being together
Even in the awful strifes
What happened to the valour
The girl couldn't live
Without the boy on her side
But he didn't believe
He didn't believe the pain
He didn't believe the agony
He didn't believe the Love
All she gave was turned to waste
To see the end of her story
She'd die for another word to say
But she knows she has to keep shut
If she wants to live anymore
She doesn't want any more hurt
From the dream she loves so much more
The words pierce like a dagger
They thrust into her heart
The very heart that loves him
Even when he's far..
But she still dreams
Of a better tomorrow
Of a happy smile
Of the day when..
She'd look towards the sky
And feel she's alive.
Spending her days of happiness and sorrow
With the Love of her Life.
I think him so, because I think him so."
The Two Gentlemen of Verona (I, ii, 23-24)
Nothing ends well. Ever. Is it a sin to love someone? All I ever wanted to do was love.. I've cried in happiness.. cried in pain. But I did not expect I'd have to cry in sadness.. how much can a person cry?
Corrected? Wronged? Blamed? Does anyone even want me to live? Leave alone needing me.
I've seen people.. believing I'm with them, when all I want to do is stay away. But what about people who want to stay away not believing that I love them? Unjust.
LOVED AND LOST..
There lived a girl
Who lived a happy life
Turned her head towards the sky
She felt she was alive
Life went on..
With strifes and happiness
No-one could see what she was inside
Except a few, who knew she was always right
There came a curve
Happiness drifted away
The girl still went strong
Her tears washed away
People still knew she was right
They said she had the might
She believed them
Looking away from the wreckage
Life went on..
Till one day
Out of the blue
Her dream came true
She was a person who hardly knew
Life could be as good as new
How coud she know
That of all the people in the world
Her love would be the one
To think she does not love him so
Days went on..
Months too
But he never did believe her
She thought he knew
But he never did
And he never will
The girl cried
For days and nights long
How could she make him see?
All she ever did was love
To breathe, to be
He was her everything
Promises they made
Words they shared
Disappeared into thin air
When he didn't care
He'd reminded her of happiness
Of the better things in life
Of being together
Even in the awful strifes
What happened to the valour
The girl couldn't live
Without the boy on her side
But he didn't believe
He didn't believe the pain
He didn't believe the agony
He didn't believe the Love
All she gave was turned to waste
To see the end of her story
She'd die for another word to say
But she knows she has to keep shut
If she wants to live anymore
She doesn't want any more hurt
From the dream she loves so much more
The words pierce like a dagger
They thrust into her heart
The very heart that loves him
Even when he's far..
But she still dreams
Of a better tomorrow
Of a happy smile
Of the day when..
She'd look towards the sky
And feel she's alive.
Spending her days of happiness and sorrow
With the Love of her Life.
11 October 2007
Paranoia
Here's the fear.. the fear before I shake my head and it goes away. The melancholic fear the everything has an end. Even fear, goes dead. Forever.. don't mind that it was a dream err.. nightmare. It just was one. A new one.
She could smell the winter already. It all seemed very familiar, somehow like the lake. The lake she loved with all her heart. But her sight seemed foggy. It was the lake, but it was not the lake. The water was the same? Nothing else was. A land where not many people came.. somewhere personal. Where only fear lived. Only her dreadful thoughts thrived on the water, under the water. All around.
Nothing. All around there were just trees and deathly silence. There were hundreds of trees but no birds. She could see the water, but yet she could not hear it. It was as if no-one had been here yet. A place not yet discovered? But she had lived her all her life. Finally, when her thoughts vanished into nothingness. She set around looking for someone because she couldn't remember how she had come here. And why was she alone.. she wasn't supposed to be alone.
Turned around and there it was. Shapeless and yet interesting. A house? A cottage? But wait, it had no colour. Like everything else.. it was lifeless. As she went closer she could hear laughter. Cheery laughter at first, exactly as if they had won. Won what? She had no idea. She heard girls. Girls inside the building.
Opened the door and stepped in. They didn't look around and she was glad at that. Turned out to be some place like a cafe.. a coffee shop. A bakery, maybe. She could see a lady at the counter. Reluctantly she moved ahead. But instead of feeling warmer being inside a heated room, she felt a chill move through her spine and rest there.
"Excuse me?", she said to the lady at the counter, unsure of who she was.
She turned around, an expression of slight disgust on her face.. somehow troubled at being disturbed. She glared at her questioningly as if somehow threatening her to go away.
"Um.. nothing. Sorry." She thought it would be better if she just went about her business. But why was she here? Better if we talked to the girls seated at the table. One glance and she was shocked. She knew them. She knew them all. She didn't know what to do. Duck away? Go ahead? Or just plain nothing?
Her memory went back as far as she could remember. It's been years.. they're at school. No.. now they're not at school. She's just about to get into her room. It's them. They're telling him to push her. And he does, he does what he's told. Blackness. But from the corner of her eyes she saw the teacher. She had seen everything. Now they'll get to know. She curses, for the first and the last time in her life.
Strange recollection. Back to the room. One of them glances across at her. She's still standing, unable to understand anything. They all look up from their shrieky talk and smile at her. Smiles.. she saw them and smiled again. They turn back to each other and she knew. She knew that.. they were snickering at each other. Some went as far as baring their teeth. Oh, how she hated them. But yet..
She goes back some years.. recollects.. it's their school. Some years later. Back to class after PE. They'd won. She was happy, she changed her opinions. Exchanged them for something less hateful, more friendly. They're friends. Every one of them. Life's good.
Back to the heated room. She wants some air, but if she goes out she'll freeze. It seems impossible how it can get stuffy so soon. One of them gets up from the table. She recognizes her. Her best friend? Ex-best friend? What does she want? As if on second thoughts, she rolls her eyes and sits down again.
Another faint memory of being sad. Crying in her room.. with nothing but pain.
How could they do that? She's thinking. Can't find a reason good enough. Collapses on the floor and she knows she can't get up. She has no-one.
It was just then that they all turn to a girl she didn't know. Someone new, their new friend. New. She gets up innocently goes around the room stealthily, she can just look at the girl and do nothing. Glued at the spot somehow she waits on helplessly as the girl mananges to push her and she's sprawled on the floor. Writhing with pain. Agony. Helplessness.
The lady from the counter sees it all. She comes to the girls and asks them about whatever they did. "What was that? I think I need an explanation."
"Uh.. what did we do? We didn't do anything. I don't know but.. some people just tend to be very stupid." one of them says, mockingly. And they all laugh.
"You do know her! You've been together for years.. right?"
"Oh yes. We know her. Hmm.."
Mutterings.. a few hoarse laughs. The classic fun out of pain formula.
Followed by bellowed laughter.. increasing so much that it gets impossible to bear.
She rushes out of the door. Freezing cold and it's got a lot darker. But the cold darkness gave immense comfort. She sees a hooded figure approach her. And she knows that it's herself she's seeing. And then she realizes. It's no fun hiding away your fears. They won't go away from her that way. She has to face them. Accept it.
One fine nightmare.. she has always been wrong. Wrong in everything. She swears she won't forget the days when she was sad.. for a few seconds of bright happiness she sees now and then. Never ever. She can't go on trusting anyone blindly.
And when two persons live one life. They're one. And she failed at seeing what it was. She was wrong again. Goodness does not prevail. Love does. Love. It's what goes the world go round.
She wakes up with a jerk as if something inside her pulled at her. She gets back to reality. Crying silently. Crying maybe for the first time.. first time for a real reason. First time she realized something right. She did. Cried. And is still crying.
Till the day she understand the world she was born in and the world she has made for herself.
She could smell the winter already. It all seemed very familiar, somehow like the lake. The lake she loved with all her heart. But her sight seemed foggy. It was the lake, but it was not the lake. The water was the same? Nothing else was. A land where not many people came.. somewhere personal. Where only fear lived. Only her dreadful thoughts thrived on the water, under the water. All around.
Nothing. All around there were just trees and deathly silence. There were hundreds of trees but no birds. She could see the water, but yet she could not hear it. It was as if no-one had been here yet. A place not yet discovered? But she had lived her all her life. Finally, when her thoughts vanished into nothingness. She set around looking for someone because she couldn't remember how she had come here. And why was she alone.. she wasn't supposed to be alone.
Turned around and there it was. Shapeless and yet interesting. A house? A cottage? But wait, it had no colour. Like everything else.. it was lifeless. As she went closer she could hear laughter. Cheery laughter at first, exactly as if they had won. Won what? She had no idea. She heard girls. Girls inside the building.
Opened the door and stepped in. They didn't look around and she was glad at that. Turned out to be some place like a cafe.. a coffee shop. A bakery, maybe. She could see a lady at the counter. Reluctantly she moved ahead. But instead of feeling warmer being inside a heated room, she felt a chill move through her spine and rest there.
"Excuse me?", she said to the lady at the counter, unsure of who she was.
She turned around, an expression of slight disgust on her face.. somehow troubled at being disturbed. She glared at her questioningly as if somehow threatening her to go away.
"Um.. nothing. Sorry." She thought it would be better if she just went about her business. But why was she here? Better if we talked to the girls seated at the table. One glance and she was shocked. She knew them. She knew them all. She didn't know what to do. Duck away? Go ahead? Or just plain nothing?
Her memory went back as far as she could remember. It's been years.. they're at school. No.. now they're not at school. She's just about to get into her room. It's them. They're telling him to push her. And he does, he does what he's told. Blackness. But from the corner of her eyes she saw the teacher. She had seen everything. Now they'll get to know. She curses, for the first and the last time in her life.
Strange recollection. Back to the room. One of them glances across at her. She's still standing, unable to understand anything. They all look up from their shrieky talk and smile at her. Smiles.. she saw them and smiled again. They turn back to each other and she knew. She knew that.. they were snickering at each other. Some went as far as baring their teeth. Oh, how she hated them. But yet..
She goes back some years.. recollects.. it's their school. Some years later. Back to class after PE. They'd won. She was happy, she changed her opinions. Exchanged them for something less hateful, more friendly. They're friends. Every one of them. Life's good.
Back to the heated room. She wants some air, but if she goes out she'll freeze. It seems impossible how it can get stuffy so soon. One of them gets up from the table. She recognizes her. Her best friend? Ex-best friend? What does she want? As if on second thoughts, she rolls her eyes and sits down again.
Another faint memory of being sad. Crying in her room.. with nothing but pain.
How could they do that? She's thinking. Can't find a reason good enough. Collapses on the floor and she knows she can't get up. She has no-one.
It was just then that they all turn to a girl she didn't know. Someone new, their new friend. New. She gets up innocently goes around the room stealthily, she can just look at the girl and do nothing. Glued at the spot somehow she waits on helplessly as the girl mananges to push her and she's sprawled on the floor. Writhing with pain. Agony. Helplessness.
The lady from the counter sees it all. She comes to the girls and asks them about whatever they did. "What was that? I think I need an explanation."
"Uh.. what did we do? We didn't do anything. I don't know but.. some people just tend to be very stupid." one of them says, mockingly. And they all laugh.
"You do know her! You've been together for years.. right?"
"Oh yes. We know her. Hmm.."
Mutterings.. a few hoarse laughs. The classic fun out of pain formula.
Followed by bellowed laughter.. increasing so much that it gets impossible to bear.
She rushes out of the door. Freezing cold and it's got a lot darker. But the cold darkness gave immense comfort. She sees a hooded figure approach her. And she knows that it's herself she's seeing. And then she realizes. It's no fun hiding away your fears. They won't go away from her that way. She has to face them. Accept it.
One fine nightmare.. she has always been wrong. Wrong in everything. She swears she won't forget the days when she was sad.. for a few seconds of bright happiness she sees now and then. Never ever. She can't go on trusting anyone blindly.
And when two persons live one life. They're one. And she failed at seeing what it was. She was wrong again. Goodness does not prevail. Love does. Love. It's what goes the world go round.
She wakes up with a jerk as if something inside her pulled at her. She gets back to reality. Crying silently. Crying maybe for the first time.. first time for a real reason. First time she realized something right. She did. Cried. And is still crying.
Till the day she understand the world she was born in and the world she has made for herself.
26 September 2007
Calling The Conundrums
One can just get tired of living their lives, not entirely wishing that they had someone else's but just that their's isn't worth living anyway. People get tired of circumstances they've got themselves into or maybe.. the circumstances have just woven around them themselves. Not ready to budge, not ready to move out of the way.
Life is just a dream, however you try to believe not to.. it's just certain that even a small noise can wake you up. It's not seeing the reality, it's losing yourself. In a bad, bad, mean way. Lose your dream, lose yourself. Lose your life.
Love your life. Love your dream. Love yourself. Learn to love, love to love :)
That's all there is to it. But again, it's not as simple as it seems to be when you've got a whole lot of noises trying to break into you. Trying to break you to pieces while you shut them out, shut your eyes tighty.. keep them away. Keep them away. Please.. keep them away.
Unexpected happiness is all you can wish for, when the dream turns to reality. The worst part is.. no-one can just wish for happiness. Wishful thinking. It comes by itself. As it has to. Someone has to bring it in. Usher it in while there's still time.. still time..
Those who choose not not go by their own views of life.. wonder how they live. Mind's frequencies.. intutions? Anything at all? Head first into what ain't right. Turn themselves into robots.. slaves to the system of the rights and wrongs.
The make-believe world ain't bad if it got you survivin' till the last :)
It's not make-believe though. It's the light of life. What does it take someone to bow down to everyone else.. accepting everything without a question? Nothing. As easy as that. Unquestionable rules, ways to know if someone's as good as you. As good as it gets. As good as the worst.
A Noise comes along.. the welcome it as just a "hard" part.. the rough path. A passing phase, oblivious to the fact that maybe it's not what they think it is. Maybe it's a way of life showing them what they actually are inside. Giving them a call to understand what they are. They are their own problems. But there aren't any problems at all.. we make them up. It's just you trying to be You. Someone you really are. Not just someone everyone else has turned you into. That's sad.
As soon as the moment we're born.. we're critisized for everything we do. Anything under the shining sun. Gets very, very critical when you've already grown up. They tell you to behave like kids, they tell you to grow up. They tell you to do what they want. They tell you to follow your heart. Make up your mind, please. We aren't puppets.
Going by my way.. looking at life through thin air. By my naked eye. Face to face.
It says.. "You're on your way.. on your way. But just a sec, turn right for Life and left for The End."
25 September 2007
Undreamed Reality
I don't know what you mean. But I know I don't live my illusions. If I did, I wouldn't have gone miserable looking at the reality.. I wouldn't have tried not losing hope if I didn't know what actually happens. All my writing's gone to you..
And you don't care. Why do I even care to do things.. I don't do it for myself. Not just my writing, everything revolves around you. Everything. I can't get the act straight. If it was not so.. what am I doing writing again? Feeble attemp at making you understand which should not go vain. Whatever happens :(
I never tried writing, it just came, but now I do. Thoughts got too complicated to be written in simple sentences. I can't send brain waves around to get to let you know what the "truth" is actually.
Only if I think.. I had someone like me. Is it supposed to go all berserk after your deams come true.. or can you just undo the move? What do I have to do to make you see?
The only truth is see now is-- this has to be a long story. A biiig story.. 700 pages. Hehe. One long happy story. Don't go away. So I just stop thinking that nothing can be hoped for. I never knew my talk was so inconvincing. But if it is, my fault.
Sorry. I'm not perfect :(
And you don't care. Why do I even care to do things.. I don't do it for myself. Not just my writing, everything revolves around you. Everything. I can't get the act straight. If it was not so.. what am I doing writing again? Feeble attemp at making you understand which should not go vain. Whatever happens :(
I never tried writing, it just came, but now I do. Thoughts got too complicated to be written in simple sentences. I can't send brain waves around to get to let you know what the "truth" is actually.
Only if I think.. I had someone like me. Is it supposed to go all berserk after your deams come true.. or can you just undo the move? What do I have to do to make you see?
The only truth is see now is-- this has to be a long story. A biiig story.. 700 pages. Hehe. One long happy story. Don't go away. So I just stop thinking that nothing can be hoped for. I never knew my talk was so inconvincing. But if it is, my fault.
Sorry. I'm not perfect :(
22 September 2007
Smells Like The Spirit
I'm losing it.. losing it all. Very soon, I won't have anything left. Bereft. Alone. Like I was, like I'm supposed to be. Don't bother anyone.. live happily. I've received the blame, I've heard it all. I've loved and lost, and then lost.. and loved. I say, live our illusions and love them too.
But I hope life isn't one. One BIG illusion where everyone's just tryin'.. tryin' and tryin' to be someone they aren't. I was always myself, but then, they say, Change is Good. And yes, I believed THEM. I believed them. That's not me!!
It's a feeling you get when you open your eyes in the morning and then you just have yourself. And someone in the back of your mind shouts.. "Go Girl! You've finally stopped loving yourself.. that was bound to happen once you forgot who you are." And then tears don't stop.
Tears won't stop, not until life would. I would. I'll stop. You'll see.
Day by day, night by night.. second by second. I see myself going away into the distant darkness which is not mine. My darkness has been replaced by Light. And I know change isn't needed when you love yourself.
It's like you get this brand me picture.. you love it. Then someone comes and changes a bit of it, here and there. Adding their personal touches. Then the edges start fading. Nothing stops it. But you aren't supposed to stop loving the picture. But then, I don't feel it's mine anymore. But I heard it right.. it said.. "You've stopped loving yourself.. where has your love gone?".. and I said "I don't know."
"You live for others now. Why?"
"I don't know."
"Don't cry, kid. Things would be the same again."
"But I guess I don't want them to be."
"See.. you've lost it. Never be the same again?"
"I know.. lost myself. I don't know."
I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.
21 September 2007
Prisoners Of Our Own Device
All hail.. Don Henley, Glenn Frey and Don Felder. Yay!!
Thanks for giving us such a great song to listen to.. and actually make out the meaning. Absolutely brilliant. A songwriter's dream.. easy on the ears.. but hard on the mind. I bet when a person listens to it, he has another perception of the song, which in unlike me.
All differs on how much a person reads.. each book, each page, each paragraph is a learning experience. And that too, people won't understand until they get into the skin of the character. Absolutely. As my Mum rightly said.. you need nothing to become an Editor of a magazine.. a journal, anything. Just that you know our stuff. You know what actually is worth reading for your lot.
Being an author.. is the easiest thing in the world. I swear, and I know I'm going to become one. Shutup whoever, Commerce can go eat dust. I don't care. What's it to them, anyway?
Prisoners of our own device.. not apt.
It should've been.. Masters of our own device.
I love this.
Thanks for giving us such a great song to listen to.. and actually make out the meaning. Absolutely brilliant. A songwriter's dream.. easy on the ears.. but hard on the mind. I bet when a person listens to it, he has another perception of the song, which in unlike me.
All differs on how much a person reads.. each book, each page, each paragraph is a learning experience. And that too, people won't understand until they get into the skin of the character. Absolutely. As my Mum rightly said.. you need nothing to become an Editor of a magazine.. a journal, anything. Just that you know our stuff. You know what actually is worth reading for your lot.
Being an author.. is the easiest thing in the world. I swear, and I know I'm going to become one. Shutup whoever, Commerce can go eat dust. I don't care. What's it to them, anyway?
Prisoners of our own device.. not apt.
It should've been.. Masters of our own device.
I love this.
17 September 2007
Hate Is What Makes The World Go Round
Some people hate to hate, but I'm not one of those. And some hate to love, I'm not one of those either. I'm nothing. As if I didn't already know that, I know it now.
Remember how it hurts when someone takes away your candy? Yes, candy. Or maybe.. when you aren't allowed to do something you'd die for? A ride you saw in the fair? Moving ahead.. you think you've got everything just to realize that it wasn't real. An illusion? Or maybe it's just your schizophrenic mind that's playing games.
How can anyone not understand the importance of time? The time that's so important when you've just simply got to study for your exams? Oh yes, you poor poor thing. My sympathies.. but why can't you just friggin'.. EFFING understand when it's being with someone you dearly love? Forgotten. That ain't gettin' you anything other than headache.
All of it when everything was perfect? Absolutely perfect.. exactly like how you feel when you walk in the rain and you aren't crying. You're happy. And yes, you're happy 'cause you know your life's worth living for after all. But no.. soon. very soon you have to find out that it was just an illusion. It actually is nothing. Just another one of those days when.. your mind plays games. It's bored.. just wants to make fun of you when you think you're the luckiest person in the whole world.
I thought I won't, but I have. I have typed it all out just to see how much I can hate. Hate myself for loving everything. And love myself for hating everything.
13 September 2007
Titled Escribitionist
It's hard shifting from the "dark" side of you to the happy one.. but sometimes you just have to reflect upon what you aren't supposed to be. But only if you think so.. only if you think. And what about somethings you never thought about? And then they happen.. leaving you bereft of any feelings?
All's in the mind. Uh.. teenage angst? Whatever. Anyway, so this book look just like the perfect book to read in the summers, or maybe when you're on holiday. Just sometime when you could get lost in the book with no-one to wake you up. But wait, that's why books exist. Lose yourself.
Can You Hear The Nightbird Call? Three Indian stories mixed into one.. all related to the Partition. I haven't even read halfway through it and feels like I'm living in Vancouver already :p Glad to be kept away from the mundane reality in '07 Bhopal. In a shitty school with shitty teachers. Rest is okay, with some stuff being totally mindblowing. Hehe :)
If it wasn't for the "shit" mentioned above.. mine would have been the perfect life. Absolutely. I swear. Feels good to be back writing, and not writing stupid poems on dying. Excuse that, please. And I really don't mean it. But sometimes I just do.
The reason? I just do. "Everyone's out to kill me. I swear." Hehe.. quoted from my older post written on April 20th. One of my best posts, I guess. Do read it. This is what life is, you love it and you don't. But sometimes.. when you feel down.. you just need a hug!! Right now! :)
All's in the mind. Uh.. teenage angst? Whatever. Anyway, so this book look just like the perfect book to read in the summers, or maybe when you're on holiday. Just sometime when you could get lost in the book with no-one to wake you up. But wait, that's why books exist. Lose yourself.
Can You Hear The Nightbird Call? Three Indian stories mixed into one.. all related to the Partition. I haven't even read halfway through it and feels like I'm living in Vancouver already :p Glad to be kept away from the mundane reality in '07 Bhopal. In a shitty school with shitty teachers. Rest is okay, with some stuff being totally mindblowing. Hehe :)
If it wasn't for the "shit" mentioned above.. mine would have been the perfect life. Absolutely. I swear. Feels good to be back writing, and not writing stupid poems on dying. Excuse that, please. And I really don't mean it. But sometimes I just do.
The reason? I just do. "Everyone's out to kill me. I swear." Hehe.. quoted from my older post written on April 20th. One of my best posts, I guess. Do read it. This is what life is, you love it and you don't. But sometimes.. when you feel down.. you just need a hug!! Right now! :)
8 September 2007
Questionable Questions?
Shouldn't expect too much, or shouldn't expect anything at all. Expectations expectations expectations. Bleh. And then end up blaming yourself for no reason at all and then.. forget it? Forget it. I don't expect myself to go on.. this time.
People change, they change opinions all the time. Their views change. It just happens that sometimes, you understand what people say. You relate. And you think "If I'd heard this last week, I'd have called that meaningless". Absolutely. Events and people may sometimes be 'nothing' or maybe.. exactly something you needed. It's enough for you too see that you were right. You weren't alone. There are other been-there-done-thats.
It isn't their fault that people don't know what some people've been up to. They wouldn't even have cared if that person had no real value in their lives. Everyday happenings, but yes, no-one knows. Not their fault.
People change, they change opinions all the time. Their views change. It just happens that sometimes, you understand what people say. You relate. And you think "If I'd heard this last week, I'd have called that meaningless". Absolutely. Events and people may sometimes be 'nothing' or maybe.. exactly something you needed. It's enough for you too see that you were right. You weren't alone. There are other been-there-done-thats.
It isn't their fault that people don't know what some people've been up to. They wouldn't even have cared if that person had no real value in their lives. Everyday happenings, but yes, no-one knows. Not their fault.
2 September 2007
Can I Have Some Peace?
Can I have some peace?
I don't want to die
But I know what it is
You want it to happen alright
You see 'em die everyday
And you say "cowards"
But what are you?
Bowing down to the system anyway
Can I have some peace?
When you really care,
Can you shut up please?
I can't really go anywhere
My country, this is
I was born, they made me think
I have to make them proud
Even if I have to kill myself within
So, that's why you see
Education's so important
It really helped me
I didn't know this would really happen
I always say "Never Again"
I made a mistake
But they drag me unto it
Till I have no space
I don't know how you do that
But whatever it is
Can't you just go on and brag?
I won't mind a bit
They say,
I'm stupid, I'm mindless
But they'll see
All their values are senseless
And I guess that's sweet
What can I do
To make me free?
You did it all again
You failed to see
It's not about what I can do
It's about what you have done
I don't lock the door for nothing
It's just so that reality doesn't creep in
You say you love me?
I don't give a shit
Monkey-see, monkey-do
That's all there is to it
Can I have some peace?
I'm already dead
But they don't know
They won't until they stop banging the door
They'd say "She was a nice girl, but she didn't listen to us"
"She was good, but she failed"
"She was my daughter, but she betrayed"
She could've done what we told her
We've always loved her so
What can we do?
She had her own way
But I wake up yet again
To the same nightmare reality
When all I see is hate
But you say I'm just vain
You can wrong me,
I'm wrong again
You can tell me to live
But I'd be gone again
Had enough of it
No More
I thought I knew what I had to do
But I ignored
You know you're right
Whatever you say, is the best for me
But that's just ridiculous
You failed to see
Why don't you do what you're told?
You're old enough
But why don't you shut up?
You've said enough
Can I have some peace?
I don't want to die
But I know what it is
You want it to happen alright.
I don't want to die
But I know what it is
You want it to happen alright
You see 'em die everyday
And you say "cowards"
But what are you?
Bowing down to the system anyway
Can I have some peace?
When you really care,
Can you shut up please?
I can't really go anywhere
My country, this is
I was born, they made me think
I have to make them proud
Even if I have to kill myself within
So, that's why you see
Education's so important
It really helped me
I didn't know this would really happen
I always say "Never Again"
I made a mistake
But they drag me unto it
Till I have no space
I don't know how you do that
But whatever it is
Can't you just go on and brag?
I won't mind a bit
They say,
I'm stupid, I'm mindless
But they'll see
All their values are senseless
And I guess that's sweet
What can I do
To make me free?
You did it all again
You failed to see
It's not about what I can do
It's about what you have done
I don't lock the door for nothing
It's just so that reality doesn't creep in
You say you love me?
I don't give a shit
Monkey-see, monkey-do
That's all there is to it
Can I have some peace?
I'm already dead
But they don't know
They won't until they stop banging the door
They'd say "She was a nice girl, but she didn't listen to us"
"She was good, but she failed"
"She was my daughter, but she betrayed"
She could've done what we told her
We've always loved her so
What can we do?
She had her own way
But I wake up yet again
To the same nightmare reality
When all I see is hate
But you say I'm just vain
You can wrong me,
I'm wrong again
You can tell me to live
But I'd be gone again
Had enough of it
No More
I thought I knew what I had to do
But I ignored
You know you're right
Whatever you say, is the best for me
But that's just ridiculous
You failed to see
Why don't you do what you're told?
You're old enough
But why don't you shut up?
You've said enough
Can I have some peace?
I don't want to die
But I know what it is
You want it to happen alright.
16 August 2007
Unrequited Respect
Is there a song that no-one sings? A dream that no-one dreams..can there be a reality that no-one sees? Seems likely, almost.
But if that isn't seen it isn't known. It just exists for the "different", the exceptions, been-there-done-thats. Some things are almost invisible to the normal people if they just do what they're told. This isn't just about anything, it's about what you call.."School". No offence, all you teachers' pets but they can get irritatingly stupid sometimes.
Why do they expect us to "respect" their feelings, their decisions, their stupidity if they can't do that themselves? Selfishness, ego? Pretentiousness? Oh right, that's obvious. But what if they weren't what they have become? After all, it not what you do, it's what you are. Inside.
Everyone's seen stuff happening, but what do they do? Keep shut, none of their business..right? That's what they're supposed to do. Conformists. Hate them. Silence is acceptance, shout out loud. Get out on the streets and tell everyone exactly how screwed up the system is. Anyhow, these lyrics weren't written simply..they have a meaning.
"We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone"
All-in-all you're just another brick in the wall...
And yes, why do they need to break down the wall if that's so important? There doesn't remain anything else but to "not be another brick in the wall" That's where we see rebellion in the ranks. Way to go!
But if that isn't seen it isn't known. It just exists for the "different", the exceptions, been-there-done-thats. Some things are almost invisible to the normal people if they just do what they're told. This isn't just about anything, it's about what you call.."School". No offence, all you teachers' pets but they can get irritatingly stupid sometimes.
Why do they expect us to "respect" their feelings, their decisions, their stupidity if they can't do that themselves? Selfishness, ego? Pretentiousness? Oh right, that's obvious. But what if they weren't what they have become? After all, it not what you do, it's what you are. Inside.
Everyone's seen stuff happening, but what do they do? Keep shut, none of their business..right? That's what they're supposed to do. Conformists. Hate them. Silence is acceptance, shout out loud. Get out on the streets and tell everyone exactly how screwed up the system is. Anyhow, these lyrics weren't written simply..they have a meaning.
"We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone"
All-in-all you're just another brick in the wall...
And yes, why do they need to break down the wall if that's so important? There doesn't remain anything else but to "not be another brick in the wall" That's where we see rebellion in the ranks. Way to go!
5 August 2007
Microscopic Perfection
No-one's perfect and no-one has to be either..
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Umm..true. As if you don't get many now. Maybe you are one. Who knows? Some people never get to know their real worth till it's too late. Sometimes till the last possible moment when they can be told about what they are. What they mean to them, or how they've influenced their lives. Why is it this way? Why can't anyone just go around telling people how good they are?
Time goes about ticking away like it is now. I'm losing the possible hours to study for the test tomorrow. Maybe someone else is losing on something far more important. Worth much more, tremendously more important than an oridinary Science test.
It just matters..if you care. If you don't, then just go on reading. If you think there are better things to do, you know what to do, then. Reading this won't lead anywhere, but you still read it. And me...writing this isn't leading anywhere, but I continue writing.
Negative or Positive. Words are words..and people should understand their words.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Umm..true. As if you don't get many now. Maybe you are one. Who knows? Some people never get to know their real worth till it's too late. Sometimes till the last possible moment when they can be told about what they are. What they mean to them, or how they've influenced their lives. Why is it this way? Why can't anyone just go around telling people how good they are?
Time goes about ticking away like it is now. I'm losing the possible hours to study for the test tomorrow. Maybe someone else is losing on something far more important. Worth much more, tremendously more important than an oridinary Science test.
It just matters..if you care. If you don't, then just go on reading. If you think there are better things to do, you know what to do, then. Reading this won't lead anywhere, but you still read it. And me...writing this isn't leading anywhere, but I continue writing.
Negative or Positive. Words are words..and people should understand their words.
1 August 2007
Sickening Sweetness
It has been observed..hmm..people turn sickeningly sweet after they act themselves. Yes, especially parents. Only parents. Who cares? Just to write something, just to write..
Time doesn't change. It's still the same, you know, seconds, minutes, hours..days, weeks, years...decades. Time won't change. Just the people do, circumstances do. And it isn't as if they change themselves. Others change them for a reason, if they have one. Without a reason. Meaningless. And here we go, we lose another one of us. For good.
How many times have people said, "Don't change". But people tend to make the same mistakes, again and again, again and again. And this will continue 'til everything exists. Me, you and whoever.
As if things weren't bad enough already. They have to go worse, the laptop. It just went..dead. Just like that. Dead. Here we go again...
Time doesn't change. It's still the same, you know, seconds, minutes, hours..days, weeks, years...decades. Time won't change. Just the people do, circumstances do. And it isn't as if they change themselves. Others change them for a reason, if they have one. Without a reason. Meaningless. And here we go, we lose another one of us. For good.
How many times have people said, "Don't change". But people tend to make the same mistakes, again and again, again and again. And this will continue 'til everything exists. Me, you and whoever.
As if things weren't bad enough already. They have to go worse, the laptop. It just went..dead. Just like that. Dead. Here we go again...
29 July 2007
Unexpected Happiness..
...the best kind there is! :)
Yet again, my answer was chosen as the Best Answer. I half expected it myself. But when I looked at it again, made me think, if I can write such words..then why don't I let myself get affected? That's strange. I own my words but I don't feel them. Consider the question again, I find myself in the same situation as it might've been for her.
Question asked by Cassidy:
How do you love yourself when you are being constantly criticized or attacked?
Its very easy to love yourself when things are going well, when you have wonderful friends and family who support you...but how do you love yourself when, things aren't going so well and people are attacking you etc. Thanks :) Happy Friday!
My answer..read "the best ever :)" :
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
..and it is easier to love yourself when no-one else does! It happens once in a while that people start questioning you on your decisions or anything else. Absolutely anything, however absurd. Just don't depend on them too much..so that you have to be loved by everyone else first, and then think about loving yourself? That would be the most mindless thing ever, if you ask me.
Maybe things never do go well, you just think that everything's okay. Perceptual reality. Be solipsistic, it's what in your mind that matters.
But maybe, just maybe, I don't trust my words. I don't tust myself. But I know that's the only suitable thing to do right now. The only way out. Help me, Asmi! :)
Yet again, my answer was chosen as the Best Answer. I half expected it myself. But when I looked at it again, made me think, if I can write such words..then why don't I let myself get affected? That's strange. I own my words but I don't feel them. Consider the question again, I find myself in the same situation as it might've been for her.
Question asked by Cassidy:
How do you love yourself when you are being constantly criticized or attacked?
Its very easy to love yourself when things are going well, when you have wonderful friends and family who support you...but how do you love yourself when, things aren't going so well and people are attacking you etc. Thanks :) Happy Friday!
My answer..read "the best ever :)" :
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
..and it is easier to love yourself when no-one else does! It happens once in a while that people start questioning you on your decisions or anything else. Absolutely anything, however absurd. Just don't depend on them too much..so that you have to be loved by everyone else first, and then think about loving yourself? That would be the most mindless thing ever, if you ask me.
Maybe things never do go well, you just think that everything's okay. Perceptual reality. Be solipsistic, it's what in your mind that matters.
But maybe, just maybe, I don't trust my words. I don't tust myself. But I know that's the only suitable thing to do right now. The only way out. Help me, Asmi! :)
Perpetual Reality?
I wouldn't ever have dared imagine that I'd have to..or I will..study to keep my mind off studying! Goodness gracious, that almost gives away everything, nothing is perpetual. Not even what you thought of yourself. But surpisingly, it's doesn't matter one bit what I'm doing as far as I don't hurt myself. When the hard part's done, I welcome everything..anything at all, come my way. Please. I've accepted everything I had to. Ready for more...almost!
What's the worst that could happen? It's not a matter of life or death. Oh yes, it is. You bet it is! And now that it is, I don't give a shit to what would come. Let it, I already have everything I ever dreamt of. I never thought of dreams, they just came and went away, almost as if a careless whisper about something as careless as it gets. For once, I really know what I'm writing about. Feels good, for the moment. This is living, live for today. Tomorrow is another life. Just feels so.
I'm just glad this isn't related to something which I'd have been really worried about. Helps in being neutral about whatever has to happen. 'Cause I seriously don't know what to do! Forget that, anyway.
I experienced Psychedelia, finally! And that was wasted, wasted on not-worth-my-time kind of waste. Hm..Schizophrenic. Phew. Oh well, reading about what people do to listen to their music, my music. The Music. Weed..grass..whatever you call it. Disturbingly fascinating. But I say, why do they even need it? Music does it all for me. In one go.
Back to the other me..all concerned about what has to happen and what should not.I just wish I could say this again, after a week, maybe..."Miracles do happen.." I just hope. Hope. Love. Faith. Pink Floyd. Haha..got here again. Can't help it. Just pray..can't. Atheist. HOPE.
What's the worst that could happen? It's not a matter of life or death. Oh yes, it is. You bet it is! And now that it is, I don't give a shit to what would come. Let it, I already have everything I ever dreamt of. I never thought of dreams, they just came and went away, almost as if a careless whisper about something as careless as it gets. For once, I really know what I'm writing about. Feels good, for the moment. This is living, live for today. Tomorrow is another life. Just feels so.
I'm just glad this isn't related to something which I'd have been really worried about. Helps in being neutral about whatever has to happen. 'Cause I seriously don't know what to do! Forget that, anyway.
I experienced Psychedelia, finally! And that was wasted, wasted on not-worth-my-time kind of waste. Hm..Schizophrenic. Phew. Oh well, reading about what people do to listen to their music, my music. The Music. Weed..grass..whatever you call it. Disturbingly fascinating. But I say, why do they even need it? Music does it all for me. In one go.
Back to the other me..all concerned about what has to happen and what should not.I just wish I could say this again, after a week, maybe..."Miracles do happen.." I just hope. Hope. Love. Faith. Pink Floyd. Haha..got here again. Can't help it. Just pray..can't. Atheist. HOPE.
28 July 2007
Wake the Spirit..
Looking at how a movie effects people, the good and the bad of it. The worst could be getting affected so much that it effects everything around you. Even a song could..evoke that something, you know what. Means something different for every person. Naturally..that is evident but why do they simply choose to ignore it? Part of the crowd? Suit yourself..then I'm happy in ignorance.
If someone just chooses to do what is best. You know, the best as seen..by everyone. Hmm, just that you think that's right. Anything acceptable, well-liked..d-uh. Sometimes makes me think that I wasn't even made to live in this world..should've been sent to Mars!
Why is it getting harder to find like-minded people? Absolutely no-one to talk to, so it just gets meaningless talking about stuff like this. Live your dreams... My life is a dream, and I'm alive. Beat the odds. I say, where are they? It's me who's odd. Conquer your fears, I fear fear. Phobophobic, big time! Take a risk, as if anything safe is left. I don't have any options left. Erase boundaries..been there, done that! Trust your instincts. If you allow me, please.
"Take up a challenge.
Never give up.
Prove yourself."
All of it seems meaningless in my case, and please do me a favour, do that for me. Inspire me!
I own my words, I right wrongs, I dare to dream but as I said already, life is just a dream and I hope I never wake up from it. But incredibly there are no dreams that I dreamt..for which I'd have to fight. I wish I'd thought of something like that, life is getting boring, kinda! I push limits and play with pride all the time. Tougher the better ha, telling me!! I face my demons not that I know of any of my angels. Taste victory...in what? Atleast gimme a clue, anyone!! Please..or I'd just be what I am.
But talking of everyone else, I'm not going to barge into your personal space and tell you to wake up, and look at yourself. What are you trying to make out of yourself? They say..live your dreams..but what they are doing themselves, is murdering their dreams. Why dream, then? Remember how every child has a dream..he dreams of magic because no-one then tells him that something like that doesn't exist. He dreams of becoming something he wants to. No-one tells him to stop dreaming. Why?! Then why not just slap the stupid kid right there and tell him right then that dreaming is wrong. "Shame on you! You shouldn't dream..it's going to be shattered. You'll do what you're supposed to do. What we make of you, not what you dreamt you would be." Makes me cry.
I was never stopped from doing anything, never ever..sometimes, I wish everyone had parents like mine. I never had dreams like these, just simply. They wouldn't have stopped me. They got the wrong child. I've always let them down, and I know I won't stop doing this. Call it whatever it is..fate? Luck? I don't know.
I'm lost..or I would've been some help to myself. Empty.
If someone just chooses to do what is best. You know, the best as seen..by everyone. Hmm, just that you think that's right. Anything acceptable, well-liked..d-uh. Sometimes makes me think that I wasn't even made to live in this world..should've been sent to Mars!
Why is it getting harder to find like-minded people? Absolutely no-one to talk to, so it just gets meaningless talking about stuff like this. Live your dreams... My life is a dream, and I'm alive. Beat the odds. I say, where are they? It's me who's odd. Conquer your fears, I fear fear. Phobophobic, big time! Take a risk, as if anything safe is left. I don't have any options left. Erase boundaries..been there, done that! Trust your instincts. If you allow me, please.
"Take up a challenge.
Never give up.
Prove yourself."
All of it seems meaningless in my case, and please do me a favour, do that for me. Inspire me!
I own my words, I right wrongs, I dare to dream but as I said already, life is just a dream and I hope I never wake up from it. But incredibly there are no dreams that I dreamt..for which I'd have to fight. I wish I'd thought of something like that, life is getting boring, kinda! I push limits and play with pride all the time. Tougher the better ha, telling me!! I face my demons not that I know of any of my angels. Taste victory...in what? Atleast gimme a clue, anyone!! Please..or I'd just be what I am.
But talking of everyone else, I'm not going to barge into your personal space and tell you to wake up, and look at yourself. What are you trying to make out of yourself? They say..live your dreams..but what they are doing themselves, is murdering their dreams. Why dream, then? Remember how every child has a dream..he dreams of magic because no-one then tells him that something like that doesn't exist. He dreams of becoming something he wants to. No-one tells him to stop dreaming. Why?! Then why not just slap the stupid kid right there and tell him right then that dreaming is wrong. "Shame on you! You shouldn't dream..it's going to be shattered. You'll do what you're supposed to do. What we make of you, not what you dreamt you would be." Makes me cry.
I was never stopped from doing anything, never ever..sometimes, I wish everyone had parents like mine. I never had dreams like these, just simply. They wouldn't have stopped me. They got the wrong child. I've always let them down, and I know I won't stop doing this. Call it whatever it is..fate? Luck? I don't know.
I'm lost..or I would've been some help to myself. Empty.
A State of Bliss
Perpetual reality..I think I've found the perfect song!
Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to guide my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, a state of bliss
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I.
May mean something different for someone else..but no, this isn't inspirational. Just the truth, related.
Into the distance, a ribbon of black
Stretched to the point of no turning back
A flight of fancy on a windswept field
Standing alone my senses reeled
A fatal attraction holding me fast, how
Can I escape this irresistible grasp?
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Ice is forming on the tips of my wings
Unheeded warnings, I thought I thought of everything
No navigator to guide my way home
Unladened, empty and turned to stone
A soul in tension that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I
Above the planet on a wing and a prayer,
My grubby halo, a vapour trail in the empty air,
Across the clouds I see my shadow fly
Out of the corner of my watering eye
A dream unthreatened by the morning light
Could blow this soul right through the roof of the night
There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, a state of bliss
Can't keep my eyes from the circling skies
Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, I.
May mean something different for someone else..but no, this isn't inspirational. Just the truth, related.
Strangeness Intensified
It can be said to be totally meaningless..this New Blog. But anything brand new makes it "not-so-boring" as maybe it would have become, somehow. I have nothing to write, but then no-one has. It just appears out of nowhere!
Everything seems meaningless once in a while. Even everyday stuff...like studying, well, yeah this is just occasional. One day, it's as if everything fits! Miraculously..and then the next day..nothing is okay. It's like returning to what you were two years ago. A normal human-being, who'd never have got tired of being ordinary. Like everyone in this world is. Almost everyone. It's not as if you meet great people everyday..individualistic souls..read Misfits.
Misfits-- "disturbingly different", scary even? Maybe, I'd never know. Different...comparing someone as different as Back Street Boys and Pink Floyd. Gosh, that's worth some hatred. Talking of music..people never learn. Let their brains rot if they just need..ugh. The world could do without some of those Hip-Hoppers and..you know whats.
No offence, but I ain't forcing you into anything..as if anyone's listening to me? As if anyone's listening to any one of us? We don't need everyone with us to make us feel better. And yes, we don't need good grades too..or being liked by everyone..but some people just get lucky. Luckier than the rest. But can't help being looked upon by others..and who "we"?? Whoever. Who cares?
Artificiality..fakeness..bling? That glittering tiara of niceness? Oh well, the grubby halo of reality..looks like a good deal to me.
Everything seems meaningless once in a while. Even everyday stuff...like studying, well, yeah this is just occasional. One day, it's as if everything fits! Miraculously..and then the next day..nothing is okay. It's like returning to what you were two years ago. A normal human-being, who'd never have got tired of being ordinary. Like everyone in this world is. Almost everyone. It's not as if you meet great people everyday..individualistic souls..read Misfits.
Misfits-- "disturbingly different", scary even? Maybe, I'd never know. Different...comparing someone as different as Back Street Boys and Pink Floyd. Gosh, that's worth some hatred. Talking of music..people never learn. Let their brains rot if they just need..ugh. The world could do without some of those Hip-Hoppers and..you know whats.
No offence, but I ain't forcing you into anything..as if anyone's listening to me? As if anyone's listening to any one of us? We don't need everyone with us to make us feel better. And yes, we don't need good grades too..or being liked by everyone..but some people just get lucky. Luckier than the rest. But can't help being looked upon by others..and who "we"?? Whoever. Who cares?
Artificiality..fakeness..bling? That glittering tiara of niceness? Oh well, the grubby halo of reality..looks like a good deal to me.
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